How To Be A Perfect Boyfriend – A Post For Dummies

[Warning: All girls are hereby informed that please “Be-aware” skip the post below, the author is not responsible if you get horny or the thorns grows up. If they do please don’t prick your boyfriends coz they are also “living-things” on earth like everybody but the difference is that they are moving like a zombie.]

Dedicated to the most frustrated creation by god- The Boyfriend (May it be you or anyone it doesn’t matter).

Every other guy on earth ever created by the God strives to be a best boyfriend. But before I get to the truth I am holding on my anxiety. You just read the post below, it will add to your skills if you are a professional, desperate or even a novice by chance. I’ve named it “TREASURE FOR DESPERATE DUMMIES”.

  

Handy Tips:

1. Girlfriend needs loyalty so better hire a dog trainer he’ll teach you how to follow commands of your girlfriend. Who’ll be more loyal than a dog?
2. Visit a nearby circus, meet a clown and get trained to make your girlfriend laugh on you. Remember, the more you entertain her more will be chances that she spends time “on you” (I’m not mistaken it with “with you”).
3. Befriend with beggars coz sometimes they are the only ones to provide you bucks in mendicancy. Also they are the cheapest source for finance coz without pawning anything you get to hold on your girlfriend. Bye the way a boyfriend is left with nothing to pawn after a girlfriend starts penetrating his vows.
4. Throw away your dish-washer and start furnishing your dish-washing skills coz once you are with a girl it’ll be very usual for you to be in critical situations. If the restaurant bill overflows your pocket you may be in need to show your talent in washing the dishes. Sometimes a friendship with the owner plays; you got to get less labor on your part.
5. Start playing bluff. You should always keep your facial expressions smiling every time. If you are in grief, sentimental, or even cried last night your expressions must follow the standards created by your very girlfriend. Bluff will help a lot in doing so.
6. Remember girls like boys adoring them, so learn to lie. As long as you are exaggerating about her beauty she is with you. The time your words smelled a single truth she’s gone like a smoke. It’s a tough task and you need a hell lot of practice. You can start it with your home, friends, teachers and other acquaintances. Don’t utter a single lie until you became a pro.
7. Stay in touch with your doc friend coz at some situations she can kick your balls and you may have to suffer from endocrine disorders.
8. Always keep a backup. Remember, a girlfriend can break your heart anytime kicking your ass and leave you in solitude. At such mournful situations a backup girlfriend can do a sleek task in rejuvenating your soul.
9. Google a best known thief of your area coz boyfriends are expected to be naturally a great thieves. This talent will work in bankruptcy; after all you’ll need to steal money from your Dad’s wallet or your Mom’s belly. Sometimes it can even work to steal for her a solitaire.
10. Learn to ignore. It is possible that you can encounter a ravishing beauty in the mall at the same time when you were out for a shopping, just try to control your emotions otherwise you’re going to be in a big trouble.
11. If you want to really make her happy just create a fake facebook account with a password as her name and text it to her; the facebook id and password. Girlfriends love Boyfriends sharing their privacy. Same you can do with the backup ones. At least they are best ones to be as passwords.
12. Pet a dog and make a habit to sleep with in the garage. You never know when she can call you, a dog’s sleep is very beneficial for an aspiring boyfriend after all you have to spend your relation-life like a dog, hanging your tongue all around with her.
13. If you are an “i-need-sympathy” type of guy, always be ready to be beaten. Go and stop the guys teasing her and get beaten up, you’ll receive an enormous amount of sympathy like never before.
14. Take her shopping every weekend. This will make her less frenzied on you than her other boyfriends.
15. Be calm. A girlfriend always likes her boyfriend to stay quiet when her friends crack pj’s on him, after all nothing can be more entertaining than a silent puppet.

The buried pages of history have testified the truthfulness of the above said points. These are fruitful result of the research work performed by the scholars over the centuries. Great philosophers and thinkers have jotted down each and every single quality a boyfriend must have in their research papers and bhojpatras. And I’ve perused each of those just to get the gist of the story to my readers, so please use your brains to get something out of the above said 15 points.

Note: If you trust my genial, all of the said above is Bullshit!!! After reading this post if you are still planning to be with a Girlfriend you are most welcome to the beginning of your catastrophic life.