Catastrophe never happened so far until the day I realized; Love is not a tab of mine. Pondering onto the insightful memoirs’ I thought I was born as a lad who can be a reason for someone’s smile, but soon it proved a wry. I cannot decipher but make sure the way destiny is playing around with my indeliberate accord. The doors were locked for me as they were, maybe the combination that I tried was not up to the lock. But one thing made me mad after a whole lot of journey; Heart, after broken down into zillions of pieces remains no more a pastry to crush, with each piece having a story to tell and a song to sing.
When your heart breaks you don’t have even a unit moment to count on anyone. Desire to cry on someone’s lap, tears tend to flow away, and heartbeat touching a score. You feel the warmth of each teardrop that falls on your palm, and eyes yearning to have a single glimpse of someone broke your heart. You sat on a couch with a pencil in your hand and try to scribble your heart out but the words fail to blur. burnt me to ashes, tears are unstoppable, uncountable pieces, of throbbing heart, warm gazes, gentle smile, a true lie and a soft grip, to be away from you, the thought, tearing me apart.
It is undeniable truth; If you love someone true heartedly a single shot of desperateness can make your world crash upon you. ---------------------------------------------------------------- --Rahul--
A dedication to my best friend Andrea!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prologue:
Luckily I found her lost smile back after a long pause.
“Andrea! You’re the best soul mate ever in my life. Never leave me in this journey.” I conjured the unexpected words at the time when they aren’t at all needed. I am a kinda person who sometimes become too much excited in ecstasy that I start over-anticipating from the ones I am acquainted to whether I am serious in mood or it was a reaction of intemperate-turvy obsession, anything doesn’t matter, all the matter of fact is that I speak with my heart nothing more.
We were great friends and die-hard chat addict; it starts with something and never ends even after everything. We share every single detail of our lives; she is almost the same as me and I am no different from her. Everything she doesn’t like and nothing that I dislike some unspoken crushes and hidden truths, sturdy talks and bothering habits nothing seems like opaque between us we were upfront.
The Friday night, we were walking down the lanes. Stars sneaking out from the distance they reside, trees enjoying their flow and everybody in the universe is experiencing the divine gift bestowed by nature what we call LOVE!
“He proposed me today.” She uttered something in a low voice.
I was in my own trance which made me somewhat ignorant to the appraised discussion which she initiated a moment ago. Still my sense recognized the thread of initiation out of tumult whopping inside my head. Without wasting a sec I stopped.
“So, what did you say?” I responded.
“I refused!”
“What? But you said you like him? What happened then?”
She remained quiet so I. Sometimes your loved ones say the words which you’re not ready to digest which just happened as she spoke. Though I loved her but never expressed coz I didn’t wanted to mess up with the things.
As I turned to reciprocate for her silent contemplation I fell on her. OMG! What happened to me??? I thought with a pause. Her drenched eyes made me startlingly crushed. I felt like drowning and losing my mind with the flowing emotions but at the same time I’ve to cool down the moment; to make her feel light on her heart.
She started weeping. I was perplexed to see the tears commixed with grief out of her heart thinking to make the moment flawless. She spoke with a sobbing tone “I…I don’t wanna lose you…so I refused.” Wait a sec! Had she crushed on me?
“If I had said yes I feared our relation would not remain same…so…” She again sobbed but this time emotions seems like flowing like a stream, a rivulet flowed from her drenched eyes which again moved me away.
This is what we call a friend’s love. “You know something Andrea, tears are meant to throw away our sorrows. And today you made me the happiest person on earth.” I looked in her eyes, and we exchanged glances. Her seraphic charm and cherubic smile was terrific enough even zombie would fell for her. I was feeling a way ahead of that, I couln’t figure it out why she feared a love will change our relation, but one thing is clear she is indeed clear on her minds for our friendship, which is perhaps best in the world. I would have proposed her but a feeling is making me to draw out my footsteps.
She was still crying like a baby, so something I have to do to make her feel content…”Andrea you know why we are together?” She winked at me.
“Because our destiny is same.“ It is said that a hug from a friend can heal the vows and within an ephemeral I wrapped her affectionately. This was the first time when I felt warm for her like she always felt for me. Her breath is touching me making me content. I felt like crying but I have to remain strong, I controlled myself and wiped off her drenched eyes.
“We are the perfect souls, I can’t imagine a single moment to spend without you.” She remained silent.
“Andrea! You’re the best soul mate ever in my life. Never leave me in this journey.” I conjured the unexpected words at the time when they aren’t at all needed. I am a kinda person who sometimes become too much excited in ecstasy that I start over-anticipating from the ones I am acquainted to whether I am serious in mood or it was a reaction of intemperate-turvy obsession, anything doesn’t matter, all the matter of fact is that I speak with my heart nothing more.
Being in a relationship sometimes proves itself to be very difficult to handle. A small misunderstanding can lead to catastrophe; it’s upon us how we inanimate the possible threats that can cause indestructible aftermaths.
How easy is to commit yourself to someone but how difficult to be on our words; somewhere somehow misunderstandings do arise but is that mean we should break up coz we do not deserve such a relationship? Misunderstandings do arise in every relationship but instead of weakening up the bond they boost them up since we get to know each other after we sort out the matter.
Breaking up never gives more than agonizing pain and tears of salvation. Crying on the friend’s shoulder is always better than crying in solitude…:-) God has created us to love not to hate so never give up because of a small misunderstanding instead kick it out from your relationship and live your life. Remember life is short live it before it lives you!
The winter evening, I was sitting by the side of lake. I just completed perusing a love story, and lost in myself. I was thinking of the questions never answered by any author, writer or philosopher, running my mind over those was the only leisure I found at the instant. My imagination was on its peak with thousands of complex thoughts convoluting and mixing to a single stream like a whirlpool.
A small girl came by my side and sat beside me. She was pretty and came smiling. I smiled back.
“What’s that in your hand?” She asked.
“It’s the world’s best love story.” My answer.
“World’s best love story?” She smirked.
“Yeah! Indeed it is, I mean what could be the best than two souls unite to hold their hands, for infinite lives, promising to meet in every incarnation; this is what we call a TRUE LOVE”
I was very enthusiastic while answering her.
She smiled and became serious “Would you answer me one thing”
“Yeah Sure” I said with an overwhelming emotion.
“What is this TRUE LOVE means?” She looked into my eyes anticipating an answer. She is sweeter than she seems.
“True Love means…” I paused. Although I know the answer but I was stopped by my instinct. I’ve seen many movies, read many books, but none of them showed me the exact meaning of what true love is? Is true love means being apart and still waiting to become one? Is it crying for each other in solitude? Or Dieing in each other’s arms?
I scoured my brain for the words so that I can explain the little angel, but I found none. My discretion is making me more puzzled as I dwelled it into the prompt. I was awake but my conscience was unresponsive. Sometimes I kept nudging myself upon the complex topics for which sooner or later I settle down for an answer, but this was the question I was feeling that can never make me worthy enough to answer.
Every relation needs commitment, so love is. But true love? It is undefined. Do we commit because we love or we love because we commit? Everything around my brain is twirling. And what about understanding? Is it necessary? Or We’r made to understand because we love. Is there anything like confession in true love?
I was silent on this account of reality check. Wind is flowing to cool my head, and I was feeling nausea. She was still gazing at my face with eagerness, and I was losing the precision. I found myself unable to utter a single word from my throttling mouth. The minute I was silent she perused my brain and held my hand. Hers was warm.
“Love isn’t about describing in heavy words or showing a plastic care, it’s the same feeling of the two hearts” She self answered her question, pressing my fist with hers.
She stood “Recall the moment you were silent and you’ll realize what true love is” She spoke her last words and walked away. I saw her disappear in the fog.
I was waiting outside her house continuously adoring the waving fields with the very conscious senses leaning against the tree which was there as it was since we were born. The flowing wind was performing its sleek task of driving me to the world of thoughts and ideas. I was not sure whether I would end up with a fistful of emotions for my darling or I would say the same line that I’ve practiced a thousand times “I have nothing to say”. The pleasure that I was gaining at the same state was ‘insightful delight’ what I’ll call it.
Dried leaf fall over my head as a messenger that this is not gonna be an ordinary event, ‘Meeting from your love where you used to play as children'.
At teenage when we were in same school we used to complete our homework under the shadow of the same tree, inscribing the names and the poems were the most ecstatic part of ours. We played hide and seek, even kissed first time.
She was upfront so I was (at least to her), the first chocolate we shared, and the last time we met, the tree can narrate the whole story on our part.
Its been 5 years I was waiting for the rendezvous, and today I was waiting for her at the same place to make myself lucky, to hug her passionately, to shed all the tears that were aggregated on being apart from angel, to wipe away all her sorrows with a kiss on her forehead, to secure my soul from burning away, and to love her till my end.
The waters in the upside river has increased and the vociferation by the striking waves were increasing the commotion inside my head. I was equally confused ab’t the meeting, whether she’ll be same? She still loves me? What if she refused to recall those memories of childhood? The intensity of insecurity was greater than the ecstasy. But still I have a hope that her heart still beats for me.
The last word she said was echoing in my mind `continuously “We’ll meet someday”. When we were parting she had tears in her eyes so I had. She handed me a ruckled piece of paper with an inscription.
Fate made us apart, Destiny will reunite us.
Today, as per her quotation, we’re meeting, and I am happy. My heart is throbbing with a rhythm of the last song she sang, I am jumping with my feet on cloud #9, and overall I am exuberant.
At last the wait is over and here comes the deity. She was looking soooo….b’ful with a decoration of ever shining smile and a long Hiiiii… I lost my senses on her arrival, my feet started trembling, and mind left the head to have a tour of world. Earth seemed to have vanished below me, and my face became red in baffle.
She came closer and said that word again a ‘Hi’; still my eyes failed to get rid of fixing at her face. I was not even in a state to respond. I was numb and dumb at the same time with no idea that I was going to propose her with my first statement.
Suddenly within a small split, my mouth, which was already wide open, uttered- “I Love You”.
Her expressions changed (its obvious, a girl don’t expect a guy to say that word on the day of her first meeting). As soon as I completed I got my senses back, and a thought came ‘Had I said something wrong?’
She kept herself silent for an ephemeral and smiled, which is the answer, I swayed her.
The moment she was silent, a million thoughts executed in my mind simultaneously, a slap, a refuse, cry, walk away…bla bla…Fortunately I got my girl back with whom I’ve to plan my journey of life.
P.S.: Some moments in everyone’s life are memorable. I’ve fallen in love many times in fact every other girl which I see around; I fall in love with her. But there is only someone with whom you can rejoice and last your life.
P.S. : I am not a poet, but sometimes your thoughts play an intelligent part out of you, and even a non-imaginative guy ( perhaps me in this case ) becomes a poet.
It rained all night...It rained because he never knew that he’d hurt her...It rained because he never came to know that the doors were open for him, or he cried for the cause.
She slept with a large hole in her heart, which she created as for untouched vigil weirdo with a compassionate wish.
They knew each other from the past three years, studied, strolled, rejoiced, ate, bunked and even cried together. They were great friends. The relation that took birth as a friendship was actually the genesis of a beautiful relation called LOVE, a clutch of two hearts and a union of two souls as bliss of nature.
Sometimes it becomes difficult to estimate the closeness of bond that develops in a relation, but as they say, some bonds need not be defined and those are the bonds of LOVE.
They walked on the empty streets in nights with a single ice-cream cone enjoying every single lick. They ran barefoot for a last DVD, worked day and night only to complete one another’s assignments anticipating topping every year. They fought furiously over a TV remote even if they want to watch the same movie, slapping the teaser to avoid boredom. They hate each other but still they need.
Today, she is silent, waves are touching her ears struggling to say something but she is dumb, the rainbow wants to shadow its iridescent spectrum on her stretch, but she is numb. Today she is in solitude, feeling lonely. Her eyes are getting wet, heart is heavy due to the pain she’s suffering, the pain to lose a relation, a fear to stay away from her life, unfortunately, she have to now leave him. She don’t want to, but it’s not in her control, heavens have written only this much share of life in this world for her.
God has given her a life to pass but haven’t written her part to live, still she don’t have any issue. She is happy since before her death she came to realize her love, a true love. She is happy because she knew that he loves her madly, but at the same time she’s sad because she wanted to live with him.
He doesn’t know of her ending but he’s not quiet well as before. In his thoughts he was untrue to her. He proved himself unfaithful to stand beside her. His feet were trembling, hands quivering, with sweat pouring over his head, and he feeling fear of losing her girl. His mind was only praying a single quote since the moments “Oh God! Why??? Why have you given me so less time? Why???” He had developed a cancer and may leave the world within few days.
They both knew their own ending completely unaware of each other’s suffering for the same. They met in the evening where sun is bedding its last goodbye to this world.
SHE: You know how much I love you?
HE: How much?
SHE: I can die for you?
HE: And you know how much I love you?
SHE: ???
HE: I can leave this life just to be with you in the heaven where you’ll be after your death.
Her eyes filled on hearing those words as she sobbed, he collected her falling tears and wrapped her around his arms, and they rejoiced gracefully for the last time.
SHE passed a perfect semi-circular smile and my heart ran away.
Listening to the gamut, drizzling drops on my head, walking down in the rain through the narrow lanes…I was stuck!
I turned my gaze to see someone who happened to just passed by my side during that ‘un-senseless’ un-tropical Vanessa of contemplation of my state of mind. The sensational articulation of my ingenuity and rationality at the same time introduced me with a newly born overt admirer of prodigy (Surprisingly who happened to be me, realized later). The Trance I was in abruptly vanished in heaven and in no time I figured out that I was alone!
(Had I said that word???)
A L O N E???
Indeed I was alone. Something got ran away to a hypnotist’s magnetism, and I was left ALONE. I received a silent soliloquy speculation from the fascinating viewer beckoning on me.
Before I could figure out any change after a loss, she passed a smile. My Heartbeat followed the bullet for a while. For the moment I was numb, completely unconscious of my state of thought. My bullet-ridden mind found itself unable to recall what had happened a moment ago.
I looked into her eyes, the azure is feeling low. She raised the curls behind the ears and blushed, continuously decorating her face with that perfect breath pausing plethora of her smile. A train of pseudo-positive thoughts drenched my anti-conscious brain filled with multiple personalities of Me’s. Maybe the doors were open up for me or it was an illusion of fate. Or she wants me to accompany her, or I made her feel better, or…I am a stupid. Whatever it may be, one thing is clear, I was now completely a captive of hers. Fighting over a train of a million thoughts, something bizarre struck.
My Heart was now a lunatic, it was pumping up with an abnormal velocity, my senses came to confiscate, and the stomach was feeling heavy on the arrival of butterflies. I couldn’t recall or remembered the last time I felt the same, but I was pretty sure it was a feeling that I can’t take it, even I couldn’t bear it on my heart (Yeah you’ve read it right, I am feeling from my heart). The crazy mind stopped to respond to the stimulus and my transfixed gaze was unable to see anything but that GIRL.
My greedy hand reached the back pocket of my tank to reach a rose (I remembered it was a mother’s day and that rose was for my mother).
In the next 30 seconds:
I approached to the silent Cherub. She was still meditating the same posture; the best one of her personality. She also had her stare fixed on my approaching figure towards her. Before she could prognosticate what was going to happen in the next 30 seconds I released my hand from the back and forwarded her the rose.
‘A rose for a lady who took my heart away-‘before I could complete, she laughed and said ‘For me???’
I frowned ‘Yeah it is.’
Those 30 sec, how they passed even I couldn’t explain in words. (Let them be a secret for anonymity).
‘O so sweet of you.’ She blushed, smiled and again blushed and smiled…
She took the flower and passed with a last word ‘Love you! Take care’ again blushing…
Now:
I am missing the angel. I don’t even know her name; the only thing I recalled is her innocent face and that blush with a smile.
But the last words she spoke are still making me confuse. Really some girls are an ENIGMA and she was the most difficult one.
P.S.: Some events are actually inevitable, this event changed the way I looked the world and I became a different guy. My thinking, ideas indubitably transformed to a newer shape like never before, my way of experiencing the worldly surroundings became a bliss to me.
Why do I love youif you don't care for me? Why do I cry for you if you're not here to wipe out my tears? Why do I miss you if you're never mine? But still I love you and I will always till my Life...
Her face was drooped in silence and tears were shedding from her eyes.Maybe she had a breakup or her lover left her.
He was staring at her continuously but she didn’t give a single look at his profile. She was in grief, tears said that all. His mind was unable to judge her depth of pain, but he can well understand her feelings. The pearls of her tears were making him unable to digest the fact that she was in grief.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, he approached a florist and ordered a pink rose for the lady in blue and left the place.
He left a pink chit for her-
Forget the pains as there is a large cloud of happiness is waiting ahead to rain over you.
Maybe she’d have felt happier on reading that and her lost smile found its place back on her face. Maybe she’d have a positive thought about someone who cared for her. And Maybe…..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- P.S.: This tale is a true incident as narrated by my friend when once he was in a restaurant. The lines at the starting of the post are the creation of mine on hearing such a description of heart moving incident.
This post is dedicated to all my college friends and to my readers of course.
I aspire to dream and touch the sky
“Hey You Became Entrepreneur.” It was not an ordinary call...
A Heavy Schedule:
Last night I was drowned in my book struggling to find any conscious sense to understand the logic behind the purpose of studying that absurd subject, I was not sure whether I’ll manage to score minimum as much even to stand among the stack of passed ones in the term paper tomorrow. I was equally frustrated on studying a bunch of subjects including Quant, Apti, Reasoning, Verbals, Technical blah blah etc…etc… It is my final year and I don’t know where I want to go, which company? Am I interested in job or do need to go for my postgraduate? My mind was swamping in its own thoughts completely unaware of the fact that in the coming next semester my fate will be sealed. On April ’11 my degree will be over and what I’ll do after that. Do I manage to get a single job in the market? Am I a deserving candidate among the mass? What if I don’t get a job?
For all these questions I’ve created a ready made answer from my intuitive mind “I’ll manage when time comes”
Suddenly my cell came buzzing chiseling my thighs and destroying my attention which was lost in book.
“Thank god, phone saved me” I said like I was released from trap of study. It was from an old friend.
“Hullo...How are you my friend” I stated with a pause. And the next 1 hour passed with the phone companion.
Quickly I got an attraction by my bed waiting eagerly for me.
It is now 11.30, time for a nap, and this is how I ended my heavy study night.
This is daily routine of my study. As soon as I pick a book for perusing, the same time my cell phone buzzed, and how my study time vanishes in chatting and talking even I don’t know.
An Inspiration:
This time it was not an ordinary call, it was call that changed my mind. It was a call as a messenger to me to wake up and inspire.
And old friend of mine, a classmate, what we say my chaddi yaar, my neighbor had a startup. He managed investors and got a marvelous attention by venture capitalists. He’ll be opening his own firm in the next 3 months. The only words I could utter from my already open mouth during an entire conversation are “I can’t believe it!”
I was speechless on the occasion. A final year engineering guy going to become a CEO of a company?
That night sleep was off from my eyes. Whole night I was thinking of his maneuver and effort. It was 3.30a.m. I jumped from bed, logged on my laptop, and started scribbling for my batch mates (even for me). A Blog Post!
An IDEA:
Many of us dream to be successful in life, but none of us decide the strategy to excel the tactics. Desires and Aspirations, everyone has, but do we deserve them?Answer lies within us. To be true, what we deserve is fully dependent on our maneuver. To acer those, one needs only one thing; a small word that we already know, DEDICATION, not of anything but of mind, body and soul, the perfect nutrition for success.
A very few of us know about Mr. Mahesh Murthy, Founder and CEO, Pinstorm, a third semester Engineering dropout from Chennai, vaccum cleaner salesman to a successful entrepreneur, the designer of Yahoo’s first GUI and Amazon.com’s strategy and launch Paul Allen’s net properties. In his own words “I was brought up to believe that there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – that you put your head down and work hard during the journey and then finally at the end there is comfort and wealth. I disagree with all that now. I don’t believe there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Even if you die with Rs. 1,000 crores to your name, you don’t take the money with you. So at the end you have absolutely the same you started with – zero. Hence I now believe that the pot of gold is not the end of the rainbow – but that the pot of gold is the rainbow itself. All that we have is the journey. There is nothing else.”
The gist is that, enjoy your work and take a first step towards your dream and the entire journey will be ecstasy. Everyone of us remembered the movie 3-idiots , the way Mr. Viru Sahastrabudhe quoted “Life is a race, if you won’t compete, someone will crush you and lead.” The same is life, if you won’t listen to your soul, then, it will be crucifixion of your very dream, the pain of lifetime, and remember, once they broke they can never be same again; a small investment once and joy for a lifetime. I also liked one line from the same movie “Jab tu budha hoga kahin kisi hospital me marne ka intezar kar raha hoga tab tu sochega letter hath me tha, gadi bahar thi, thodi aur himmat kar leta to life kuch aur hi hoti.” The same situation is ready for us. Think of it.
90% of us joined Engineering only because we want money, possession and honor, remaining 10% know what they want to achieve and they had a fully fledged strategy to affix their goal on the wall, thirsty they hit their goal and the cakes were theirs’. They keep their cards safe until the time to show the world; A huge blast!
Not to make the conversation desultory, I was talking about the 10% (I am considering myself in this group only). We have hand-made excuses because we know audience is gullible enough to digest them. But do we, once, only once had an insight within our souls that what we want and what we have right now? Do our maneuvers will suffice the cause? The first goal is to find answer. Second one is to work for our weaknesses. Third is to work for our cause.
It is better to know about ready baked caked than to restart from scratch because we are at an edge of our life, if we decide to go back then surely there will be chances that sooner or later we’ll figure it out, we’re left behind far from our acquaintances with whom we’ve started our voyage. To be true, life is all about failures and success. Like every dark night ends with a beautiful morning same way every failure leads to an unending happiness of success.
I am not saying that you start work to get a job or manage to a good college, what I just wanna say is don’t cheat yourself, have an inside look of your soul truly once, only once.
Sky is yours, nothing is impossible...
You deserve to be on top on this world
I’ll say only one line Dare to Dream! Nothing is impossible.
Now I think the post is getting longer so I am stopping right here with a promise I’ll be back with some interesting post next time. Till then I bed a good luck.
Don’t forget the slogan“Read India Read…”
You can Win. Remember there's nothing like impossible in this world
voracious reader, avid blogger, palm crushed persona, badly fallen, nature lover, silent admirer, hobbyist writer, narcissist, passionate believer and a budding novelist in make..simple and hard to handle most of the times and still into exploring..! That's me Caspar!
When your heart breaks you don’t have even a unit moment to count on anyone. Desire to cry on someone’s lap, tears tend to flow away, and heartbeat touching a score. You feel the warmth of each teardrop that falls on your palm, and eyes yearning to have a single glimpse of someone broke your heart. You sat on a couch with a pencil in your hand and try to scribble your heart out but the words fail to blur.
