A World of dreams

I peeked out of window to have a glance of world outside my thoughts and I was surprised by the scene.

Figuring out the fact that I was hiding myself inside a dungeon over the years was really interesting. I witnessed a world outside my minds for the very first time or the world I was in over these years was a deception that I’ve inflicted to believe by circumstances or by my very discretion.

Over these years of my growth from infant to adolescence, I’ve faced a world which was introduced to me by my very acquaintances; a world where we live not to laugh but to die; where respect is just a formal etiquette. Every single day I wake up to see the darkness of devastating sunlight breaching my soul paralyzing my senses and to follow what has been instructed to bring me up for the very old culture that is being defacing day by day. Here I believe life’s no more a prison; the high hopes of loved ones; their dreams and aspirations; never gave a chance to live for myself. I don’t want to blame anyone but myself to be despicable (at least for me? I am). I never thought out of my mind, to follow what I want and what I’ve done whatever the world demanded from my side, not even a small maneuver to think wisely about myself.

Que Sera Sera      

They say “You are born to lead but not follow”, let’s just say it “Follow your brains and lead your heart” and be a warrior of light to get on the way you had ever dreamt of. Anyway now I got a chance to think broadly, thanks to the idea that drove me crazy to scribble upon. :-)

P.S.: Not every day we get a chance to think about ourselves. Don’t let this post a waste of maneuver; Let it be a start and hope all goes straight!

P.P.S.: The above post is just a glimpse of convoluted mind, I contemplate a lot so never mind and have a great day. Stay Smiling…
P.P.P.S.: I don't know from where I got the picture for the post, but I would like to thank the person who provided it so that I can meditate upon...

from the millionth part of my brittle Heart!

Catastrophe never happened so far until the day I realized; Love is not a tab of mine. Pondering onto the insightful memoirs’ I thought I was born as a lad who can be a reason for someone’s smile, but soon it proved a wry. I cannot decipher but make sure the way destiny is playing around with my indeliberate accord. The doors were locked for me as they were, maybe the combination that I tried was not up to the lock. But one thing made me mad after a whole lot of journey; Heart, after broken down into zillions of pieces remains no more a pastry to crush, with each piece having a story to tell and a song to sing.

When your heart breaks you don’t have even a unit moment to count on anyone. Desire to cry on someone’s lap, tears tend to flow away, and heartbeat touching a score. You feel the warmth of each teardrop that falls on your palm, and eyes yearning to have a single glimpse of someone broke your heart. You sat on a couch with a pencil in your hand and try to scribble your heart out but the words fail to blur.
burnt me to ashes, tears are unstoppable,
uncountable pieces, of throbbing heart,
warm gazes, gentle smile,
a true lie and a soft grip,
to be away from you, the thought,
tearing me apart.


It is undeniable truth; If you love someone true heartedly a single shot of desperateness can make your world crash upon you.
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--Rahul--

Freaky Confessions

A dedication to my best friend Andrea!
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Prologue:

Luckily I found her lost smile back after a long pause.

“Andrea! You’re the best soul mate ever in my life. Never leave me in this journey.” I conjured the unexpected words at the time when they aren’t at all needed. I am a kinda person who sometimes become too much excited in ecstasy that I start over-anticipating from the ones I am acquainted to whether I am serious in mood or it was a reaction of intemperate-turvy obsession, anything doesn’t matter, all the matter of fact is that I speak with my heart nothing more.

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A confession

We were great friends and die-hard chat addict; it starts with something and never ends even after everything. We share every single detail of our lives; she is almost the same as me and I am no different from her. Everything she doesn’t like and nothing that I dislike some unspoken crushes and hidden truths, sturdy talks and bothering habits nothing seems like opaque between us we were upfront.

The Friday night, we were walking down the lanes. Stars sneaking out from the distance they reside, trees enjoying their flow and everybody in the universe is experiencing the divine gift bestowed by nature what we call LOVE!

“He proposed me today.” She uttered something in a low voice.

I was in my own trance which made me somewhat ignorant to the appraised discussion which she initiated a moment ago. Still my sense recognized the thread of initiation out of tumult whopping inside my head. Without wasting a sec I stopped.

“So, what did you say?” I responded.

“I refused!”

“What? But you said you like him? What happened then?”

She remained quiet so I. Sometimes your loved ones say the words which you’re not ready to digest which just happened as she spoke. Though I loved her but never expressed coz I didn’t wanted to mess up with the things.

As I turned to reciprocate for her silent contemplation I fell on her. OMG! What happened to me??? I thought with a pause. Her drenched eyes made me startlingly crushed. I felt like drowning and losing my mind with the flowing emotions but at the same time I’ve to cool down the moment; to make her feel light on her heart.

She started weeping. I was perplexed to see the tears commixed with grief out of her heart thinking to make the moment flawless. She spoke with a sobbing tone “I…I don’t wanna lose you…so I refused.” Wait a sec! Had she crushed on me?

“If I had said yes I feared our relation would not remain same…so…” She again sobbed but this time emotions seems like flowing like a stream, a rivulet flowed from her drenched eyes which again moved me away.

This is what we call a friend’s love. “You know something Andrea, tears are meant to throw away our sorrows. And today you made me the happiest person on earth.” I looked in her eyes, and we exchanged glances. Her seraphic charm and cherubic smile was terrific enough even zombie would fell for her. I was feeling a way ahead of that, I couln’t figure it out why she feared a love will change our relation, but one thing is clear she is indeed clear on her minds for our friendship, which is perhaps best in the world. I would have proposed her but a feeling is making me to draw out my footsteps.

She was still crying like a baby, so something I have to do to make her feel content…”Andrea you know why we are together?” She winked at me.

image source 

“Because our destiny is same.“ It is said that a hug from a friend can heal the vows and within an ephemeral I wrapped her affectionately. This was the first time when I felt warm for her like she always felt for me. Her breath is touching me making me content. I felt like crying but I have to remain strong, I controlled myself and wiped off her drenched eyes.

“We are the perfect souls, I can’t imagine a single moment to spend without you.” She remained silent.

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Epilogue:

 “Andrea! You’re the best soul mate ever in my life. Never leave me in this journey.” I conjured the unexpected words at the time when they aren’t at all needed. I am a kinda person who sometimes become too much excited in ecstasy that I start over-anticipating from the ones I am acquainted to whether I am serious in mood or it was a reaction of intemperate-turvy obsession, anything doesn’t matter, all the matter of fact is that I speak with my heart nothing more.

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--Rahul--

Misunderstandings

Being in a relationship sometimes proves itself to be very difficult to handle. A small misunderstanding can lead to catastrophe; it’s upon us how we inanimate the possible threats that can cause indestructible aftermaths.

image courtesy...

How easy is to commit yourself to someone but how difficult to be on our words; somewhere somehow misunderstandings do arise but is that mean we should break up coz we do not deserve such a relationship? Misunderstandings do arise in every relationship but instead of weakening up the bond they boost them up since we get to know each other after we sort out the matter.

Breaking up never gives more than agonizing pain and tears of salvation. Crying on the friend’s shoulder is always better than crying in solitude…:-) God has created us to love not to hate so never give up because of a small misunderstanding instead kick it out from your relationship and live your life. Remember life is short live it before it lives you!

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--Rahul--

A true relationship

The winter evening, I was sitting by the side of lake. I just completed perusing a love story, and lost in myself. I was thinking of the questions never answered by any author, writer or philosopher, running my mind over those was the only leisure I found at the instant. My imagination was on its peak with thousands of complex thoughts convoluting and mixing to a single stream like a whirlpool.

Image Courtesy

A small girl came by my side and sat beside me. She was pretty and came smiling. I smiled back.

“What’s that in your hand?” She asked.

“It’s the world’s best love story.” My answer.

“World’s best love story?” She smirked.

“Yeah! Indeed it is, I mean what could be the best than two souls unite to hold their hands, for infinite lives, promising to meet in every incarnation; this is what we call a TRUE LOVE”

I was very enthusiastic while answering her.

She smiled and became serious “Would you answer me one thing”

“Yeah Sure” I said with an overwhelming emotion.

“What is this TRUE LOVE means?” She looked into my eyes anticipating an answer. She is sweeter than she seems.

“True Love means…” I paused. Although I know the answer but I was stopped by my instinct. I’ve seen many movies, read many books, but none of them showed me the exact meaning of what true love is? Is true love means being apart and still waiting to become one? Is it crying for each other in solitude? Or Dieing in each other’s arms?

I scoured my brain for the words so that I can explain the little angel, but I found none. My discretion is making me more puzzled as I dwelled it into the prompt. I was awake but my conscience was unresponsive. Sometimes I kept nudging myself upon the complex topics for which sooner or later I settle down for an answer, but this was the question I was feeling that can never make me worthy enough to answer.

Every relation needs commitment, so love is. But true love? It is undefined. Do we commit because we love or we love because we commit? Everything around my brain is twirling. And what about understanding? Is it necessary? Or We’r made to understand because we love. Is there anything like confession in true love?  

I was silent on this account of reality check. Wind is flowing to cool my head, and I was feeling nausea. She was still gazing at my face with eagerness, and I was losing the precision. I found myself unable to utter a single word from my throttling mouth. The minute I was silent she perused my brain and held my hand. Hers was warm.

“Love isn’t about describing in heavy words or showing a plastic care, it’s the same feeling of the two hearts” She self answered her question, pressing my fist with hers.

She stood “Recall the moment you were silent and you’ll realize what true love is” She spoke her last words and walked away. I saw her disappear in the fog.   

   

Love is always new...

It rained all night...It rained because he never knew that he’d hurt her...It rained because he never came to know that the doors were open for him, or he cried for the cause. 

She slept with a large hole in her heart, which she created as for untouched vigil weirdo with a compassionate wish.

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They knew each other from the past three years, studied, strolled, rejoiced, ate, bunked and even cried together. They were great friends. The relation that took birth as a friendship was actually the genesis of a beautiful relation called LOVE, a clutch of two hearts and a union of two souls as bliss of nature. 

Sometimes it becomes difficult to estimate the closeness of bond that develops in a relation, but as they say, some bonds need not be defined and those are the bonds of LOVE.

They walked on the empty streets in nights with a single ice-cream cone enjoying every single lick. They ran barefoot for a last DVD, worked day and night only to complete one another’s assignments anticipating topping every year. They fought furiously over a TV remote even if they want to watch the same movie, slapping the teaser to avoid boredom. They hate each other but still they need.

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Today, she is silent, waves are touching her ears struggling to say something but she is dumb, the rainbow wants to shadow its iridescent spectrum on her stretch, but she is numb. Today she is in solitude, feeling lonely. Her eyes are getting wet, heart is heavy due to the pain she’s suffering, the pain to lose a relation, a fear to stay away from her life, unfortunately, she have to now leave him. She don’t want to, but it’s not in her control, heavens have written only this much share of life in this world for her.

God has given her a life to pass but haven’t written her part to live, still she don’t have any issue. She is happy since before her death she came to realize her love, a true love. She is happy because she knew that he loves her madly, but at the same time she’s sad because she wanted to live with him.

He doesn’t know of her ending but he’s not quiet well as before. In his thoughts he was untrue to her. He proved himself unfaithful to stand beside her. His feet were trembling, hands quivering, with sweat pouring over his head, and he feeling fear of losing her girl. His mind was only praying a single quote since the moments “Oh God! Why??? Why have you given me so less time? Why???” He had developed a cancer and may leave the world within few days.

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They both knew their own ending completely unaware of each other’s suffering for the same. They met in the evening where sun is bedding its last goodbye to this world.

SHE: You know how much I love you?

HE: How much?

SHE: I can die for you?

HE: And you know how much I love you?

SHE: ???

HE: I can leave this life just to be with you in the heaven where you’ll be after your death.

Her eyes filled on hearing those words as she sobbed, he collected her falling tears and wrapped her around his arms, and they rejoiced gracefully for the last time.   

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 ---Rahul---

Why Do I Love You?

Why do I love you if you don't care for me?
Why do I cry for you if you're not here to wipe out my tears?
Why do I miss you if you're never mine?
 But still I love you and I will always till my Life...


 Her face was drooped in silence and tears were shedding from her eyes. Maybe she had a breakup or her lover left her.


 

He was staring at her continuously but she didn’t give a single look at his profile. She was in grief, tears said that all. His mind was unable to judge her depth of pain, but he can well understand her feelings. The pearls of her tears were making him unable to digest the fact that she was in grief.

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Well, he approached a florist and ordered a pink rose for the lady in blue and left the place.

He left a pink chit for her-

Forget the pains as there is a large cloud of happiness is waiting ahead to rain over you.

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Maybe she’d have felt happier on reading that and her lost smile found its place back on her face. Maybe she’d have a positive thought about someone who cared for her. And Maybe…..

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P.S.: This tale is a true incident as narrated by my friend when once he was in a restaurant. The lines at the starting of the post are the creation of mine on hearing such a description of heart moving incident.

Published For

Thursday Tales

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A Walk for a lifetime: A Quintessential part of my life

We were in 10th Standard, RUCHI the only girl , whom I liked unconditionally, My only crush , approached me and and said "Rahul ! can I have your Social Study book for a while?"

I got mesmerized. The most fascinating girl in our class requesting me for my book. Although I loved her , but never expressed; my childhood LOVE.
"Yeah! you can take it. If you like you can keep it till exams". My answer! I know I'll fail after doing so, but she was my love yaar how could I reject a request, most specifically from her.

We were child , we don't know what Love is at that stage of our age, but one thing is clear I Loved her. I never know what a crush is, but I liked her.

The rain never seemed be so romantic, the moon never approached to be like her face, flowers never seemed so beautiful, loud never seemed to be so quiet,all the unhappenning things started happening; I was stuck by a Love Angel.
Ruchi, a good looking,angelic faced, beautiful girl, serene hearted, Monitor of our class.She was so pretty if one sees her, he'll definitely get mesmerized by the Divine Beauty. A perfect soul made by God ever.
I tried many times to express my feelings, but everytime some or more hurdles comes in between & in order to overcome them, I lose the moment.

[1 year later]

We met in the store. It was 8 in the evening. A cool wind was blowing, stars were on, moon's silver came blushing.
The road was almost empty, the Summery night; I can't forget that 10 minutes walk we had. She was looking baeutiful in the moon's silver.

I started "Ruchi!"

"What?" she said.

                                               Words are less,feelings are more,
                                               The pain that I had,can't take it anymore,
                                               When we are under the blue sky,
                                               I can see the world in your eyes,
                                               When we walk for a mile,
                                               I live the life for a while,
                                               I wish I could show you how much love,
                                               I had for you in the tranquil depths of my Heart,
                                               I LOVE You SWEETHEART,
                                               The only words came from the bottom of my Heart.



I handed her the ruckled piece of pink paper.
She read the Scribble twice.
For the very first time I see the tears in her eyes.Actually I'd shocked her.I guess.

"Why haven't you said this before?You know how much you made me wait? I feel empty when I was alone".She sobbed.
"Why haven't you filled the gap? Tell me." She had a desperateness in her eyes for something. I can't qoute.

She was weaping, but she was looking beautiful. The immense Love in her eyes is making me mad. I wish I could be with her all my lifetime watching in her eyes only. Her tears seemed like pearls, I wish if I could collect them all and keep the in my heart till I die. Her lips were wet, I wondered if I could kiss them.The cool evening breeze making her hairs flow, making me envious by touching them, I wish if I could sleep under the shade of her hairs all life long. Her trembling feets, I wish if I could hold her in my arms and never make the earth to have the honour to touch them.
All such feelings came down on me. I looked my feets; the earth is shattering. I saw her face again, it was making me forget everything in the world.
My eyes are also getting wet. The drowned sentiments in the tranquil depths of my heart are coming out for her. I wiped my eyes pretending I am a strong guy. Perhaps I am not the one.

"I LOVE YOU RUCHI!" The only word uttered by me. I dont have anything to say. One tear rolled out, then two ,three and so on.

She haven't said anything yet. We kept walking. The silence of the night and the bizzare azure watched us raining. We never uttered a single word for some moments.

At last I collected all my strengths.

"I tried many times to express,but the moments I get, are always less than the words demanded."
"RUCHI, I tell you from the deepest shell of my heart, I LOVE YOU. The Love I had for you will never become less , a promise for a lifetime."

[The next lines from the paper]

                                             When you'll stumble, I'll be there to hold you,
                                             When you'll be sad, I'll be there to find your smile,
                                             When you'll feel empty, I'll be there to fill you,
                                             When you'll ruffle, I'll be there to calm you.
                                             And that's my promise, I'll not leave you alone lifetime.

The feelings are coming out, walls are falling down to the ground.
She still said nothing. Silence said it all. Her tears, I can't forget, she was sobbing like a two year girl. The deepest shell of my heart was pounding only for her.

"RUCHI! I need you. Would you be mine. I don't demand more than one life, I'll persuade the God to finish my soul after this life. But I need you to be with me in this life only. " I said my last word rigorously. The drops of tears kept shedding from my eyes. I can't express my fellings more than this. My shirt got drenched due to tears.
I took a glimpse of her face. She still haven't uttered a single word.
She glanced at me, we exchanged glances. Stopped for a moment, I felt everything got stopped; wind,moments,sentiments, even my heart which pounded a trillion times since last 30 seconds.
I felt a hand CROSSED in my hand, it was hers. I got my answer. I know this was for a lifetime. I'll not leave this hand. I Sweared.
She kept her head on my shoulder and we walked on....!!!

[The last lines from the paper]

                                           Meeting you was fate,
                                           Friendship with you was interesting,
                                           Falling in love with you is completely out of my control.
                                           I LOVE YOU MY DARLING!!!

And that's the way I fell in love first time in my life. My First Tryst!!!